A Mind of My Own

With the slowdown of the economy and everyone is tightening their belts, garang guni men are picky. The rag and bones business hasn’t gone out of the windows yet. It’s quite lucrative at times and does help to supplement the income.

My mother tried to get the attention of the collector only to have him say, “My boss will come later.” That was 10am. I went out at 11am for my hair appointment and returned home at 4.30pm. The stack of newspapers were still outside our door.

Apparently, this particular collector prefers handphones, old TV and other valuable stuff. I know where to trade in my handphones for cash. I know I can look around and trade in my old TV for cash. I know I can just go to the Cash Converter shop that is just near my place to sell for cash. Why the heck would I just pass to you, the garang guni man for an amount that isn’t worth it?

You think you are clever? Don’t try to be clever for this case. People have stolen our fire riser metal lock before. They are clever too but the authorities had to spend more money to replace with better locks. Do you know where our taxpayers’ money all go to?

The money have to go into building a better nation. That’s why our transport and everything is going up despite paying our taxes. That is also why being a rag and bones collector, you should stop being picky. Because I ain’t gonna let ye pocket that $100 for yourself when I can sell my handphone for a higher price.

I have been freed from the routine job. Perhaps I have reached my ends of the what one might call the boredom of routine job. It hadn’t been that routine but I needed a change of scope that I craved for. I wanted to do something else but there just wasn’t any slot for me at the time.

I was in my first job for 4 years. Hanging on because I was still studying for a degree that isn’t recognised in the end. I had the chance to shift my scope there. I had a chance to expand my knowledge at my second job. There I was so focused in that I got so wounded up due to the demands there. There wasn’t any change of job scope that was possible as there were more talents in the HQ.

After all these years, I am realising that I am looking for an ideal job. My criteria is:

• Allowing me to work from any time as long as I can produce results.
• Allowing me to work from anywhere.
• Paying me enough for my bills and insurance and enough to save up for retirement.

Perhaps what I need isn’t a job. All I need is to have a few roles or skills to juggle with so that I won’t be looking around every 18 months.

Since my last day at work was on a Thursday, I had an event to attend on Friday, the bag competition. On Saturday, I stayed at home scheduling my posts for my blogs. Sunday, I went out. Monday, I stayed at home to source for more money making schemes and I went to watch Hellboy 2 with DD on Tuesday.

Today, I will pick up the cosmetics from Pure Luxe from HY. I have activities on Friday and Saturday although I’m wondering if I have any activities on Thursday.

I have been thinking about the bags I have just bought. I think I would like to sell the black bag. It looks so odd when I hold it. The photo was taken by me, the background has been photoshopped out.

I have many affairs with agents for years. Not something to be proud of, but I have had good and bad ones. The good ones have been matching up pretty fine. The bad ones just couldn’t match no matter what. One even pushed me to attend an interview I already knew it wasn’t going to work out. I wonder how she did it.

Image via Wikipedia

The ones that I have had good matches are:

• Thomas J
• Robert Walters
• People Search
• The one in Maxwell Road (Can’t recall the name as it was more than 7 years ago)

The bad matches, I won’t want to write down the names as I could just be the unlucky one who has met the wrong agent. This time round, I hope I have a good match. Despite my attempts to avoid joining certain companies, I have now come a full circle if this interview works out well. I just hope the boss and peers are kind enough.

If it wasn’t that I needed the money, I would have said that I won’t be going for it. However, this is a critical period for me, thus my affair with agents have to continue.

There have been too many things going on. I’m quite confused as to where I should be starting. It’s hazy and yet I have so many things to do. Such as finding ways to earn money without resorting to working in an office. Unfortunately, Singapore isn’t really a good place to start. Or any other country for that matter.

Image via Wikipedia

I still need a day job. Unless I can work 4 hours a week. It will be a dream come true. I haven’t gotten over Latte’s demise yet. It is a traumatic experience if you witness your beloved pet grasping his last breath in front of you despite all the efforts to save him. It was really unfortunate that Latte died as a virgin.

I haven’t been sleeping well since. Some of you may scoff at the idea of losing sleep over some guinea pig. However, any pet owner will be upset at the lost of their pets because they have been spending time bonding together and gotten to love each other. Imagine living together with your Labrador for 15 years. It passed away due to sickness or old age. You have been walking around the neighbourhood every day and the loss has changed the routine. How does that feel?

I have been thinking about life. It’s so short that I just want to spend more time with my family rather than spending so much time at work earning more money but it’s useless when you can’t be there when your family needs you.

I have been thinking of starting my own business but it isn’t going to be easy since I have absolutely no idea where to begin. I do know there is someone who wishes to help. That’s so sweet. At this moment, I would like to think about the business type and strategies before jumping into the bandwagon.

I am in a rather foul mood. It started in the afternoon. Something just triggered it. From work? Could be. It lasted till now. I had a black face all the way to Suntec City. The squeeze began. I used my skills gained while navigating the crowded trains during peak hours.

I walked through the crowds and grabbed whatever brochures were offered. Looked through the booths and the offers. I went to look at Brother printers. The network ready printers are very attractive. Starting from $399. Tempting. I decided to think through since the current HP is still working fine except for the fax.

I hate the way the software works for HP. It is laggy and it can’t even update automatically. I can’t find the CD that came with it. Could be lost somewhere in the boxes. I wanted to have a hands on feel for HTC Touch Diamond but there was only 1 working set at the booth and I ended up looking at the display.

Image by Brent and MariLynn via Flickr

I did get my hands on MWg Zinc II and found the spacing for the keypads too far apart for my taste. It is now out of my list. I wanted to buy SD card, 8GB from Kingston. To my horror, it was sold out. Tired and hungry and feeling foul, I decided to get from SanDisk. There were 4 choices. SHDC, SHDC II, SHDC III and SHDC Plus. I bought SHDC as I felt the rest were rather expensive.

Ultimately, despite my spoils from the PC Show, I was still cranky. I must have radiated heat because most people avoided me. I guess I’m hating the fact that I was right the 1st time. Now that my contract is being asked for the extension, I feel like being evil and refuse them. However, where does that leave me?

Am I being childish not to renew it? Am I just trying to exact my revenge or have my passion burn out? Or I have found new passions?

What the future holds I’m not sure. I just want to be sure about something and yet afraid to do it. It’s my first step towards something. I have tried to work towards another goal, getting a writing job but unfortunately, been rejected twice. It isn’t as much as some who may have been rejected 10 times.

I find that in Singapore, if you want to work towards your dreams, it isn’t that easy. Various factors include:

• Your own flat.
• You lack the reputation such as being featured in magazines for photography, writing, etc.
• Your own car.
• You have been doing what you hope will help you but unfortunately, your face needs to be plastered all over the net and your name must be found all over the net before anyone will want to feature you.

I will be facing the unknown and I think I may have to plaster my name all over the net and write my name all over the net so that the idea that I have in mind will take off. I don’t know how long it’ll take but I hope that it’ll pay off well.

Life here has been good. I can walk home after 7pm without much worries except for that time when I saw that flasher. That memory wasn’t good because that wanker hasn’t been caught and I don’t know why the police never did call me for a photo fit. Oh wait, Mas Salamat was/is more important than some penis attention. Sorry.

While I have some complains about the public transport, I will not say that I don’t love my country. I just love my country only. However, life has become stressful in some ways because if you are not promoted at work, you are screwed when you reached your 30s for a woman and 40s for a man. It isn’t written but it’s all in the mindset.

The future is scary because I know what I don’t want. However, I don’t know what I want. My elimination list is rather long at this moment and I hope that by the time I have eliminated 70%, I know what I want.

I would usually pamper myself on this day. This year, I didn’t really pamper myself because I have given myself the early gift of perfect eyesight by Lasik. Expensive, that was. A few friends SMS me wishing me Happy Birthday. CD, in India for work, MMS me with a birthday song. Even my mum SMS me too. I wiped a tear from the corner of my eye.

DD called me last night to be the 1st one to wish me. 2 poly friends wished me via SMS yesterday. On the day of the makeover at DeCharacter, ES, NL and HF treated me for dinner after the makeover. So sweet. I don’t have to pay for the makeover as it’s gift, right?
During the makeover, we had fun with the poses. I was often told to open my eyes bigger as mine are the smallest pair among the 5. I want bigger eyes. I wonder if I go Korea, I will get bigger pair of eyes. Upon the output of the photos, I was really disappointed. My eyes were simply too small next to the group of girls. I shall never. Ever. Have any group photos with them again. In addition, anyone with huge eyes shall not take any photos next to me.

I blame my dad for giving me tiny eyes. I blame my mum for giving me high eyebrows. My eyes already so tiny and yet she gave me high eyebrows positions! Ok, so it’s the genetics issue. Can doctors change the genetics such that next time, my children won’t inherit tiny eyes? Wait, if they don’t then they won’t be my children, what am I talking about?

It’s a pity that I don’t have any leaves to take as my contract is ending soon. Thus, won’t be able to take some time off work for today. Besides, I prefer long weekends.

And I need a new job.

Trying to change jobs can be tough. It took a friend of mine a year to totally change hers. It’s going to take a whole lot tougher for my case as I’m seen as someone who is more of a technical person due to my IT background than a writer.

Perhaps I’m hoping for too much but rejection from the same company twice is too much for my ego. I believe I have the talent for writing, yeah, right. I believe I can do better than those news being put in print, like I can write more engaging stories.

I wonder if I have been in this line for too long, lost track of my favourite passion; reading or I haven’t been polishing my writing skills quite up to par. Blogging doesn’t really count as it’s just my thoughts flowing and I don’t re-read for this blog. I just hit ‘Submit’ and the post is there.

That’s why I have to edit my posts a few times these days. Have I lost my touch? Or I just need more polishing, writing and reading? Trips to the library have been rare these days. I used to have this way of engaging the readers to my words and let them feel the characters’ emotions.

These days, the words fail to flow and run like a river. I should focus more on niche sites than this site. It’s distracting. I really ought to focus.

Anyone needs a freelance writer? I write technical specifications, thesis, reports and proof-reading. My fiction can be found here.

I am seriously wondering if there is something wrong. Or perhaps, nothing is wrong. It’s just that when one has the power or authority for more than 40 years, one tend to be led into thinking that it can be used in any way and the powers that be should never, ever, be doubted.

Are we doubting it now? Perhaps. Since all these years, it has never, ever, said it was wrong in anyway. Wow. How infallible. With 40 years of management under its belt, it will not be wrong at any one time.

I have failed before. I have mistakes in my work. There were times when my mind was simply too tired or overworked to even think properly. We are only humans. Even animals make mistakes.

Ultimately, it’s always the ones who are at the bottom who are at fault. When employees quit, what is the reason? The one that is never spoken out loud but a survey proved it. There are also ways to get someone to quit too.

Anyway, I digress. It’s not about pushing the blame so that you get to keep your position. It’s about accepting that somewhere along the way, a decision wasn’t made that well and it led to this. It led to a Mas Selamat escaping from that window. A ledge was even built under it to facilitate his escape when others have failed to notice it. Neither the grilles were built nor the window’s size reduced.

Even shopping centres have smaller toilet windows or none. Men would say, “How come there is a door for the urinals? They have never, ever, encountered such a toilet that gives you the privacy, rather intimate since 2 men can enjoy their business by closing the door.

Let’s not even get to the discussion about CCTV in the area but not activitated.

I used to have this manager who treated us very well. He would also be environmental conscious, which is very rare for a company although it is ISO 9001 certified. There was once we had to keep some keys temporarily and he produced clear plastic bag from magazines. The ones that magazines are kept in for sending. Our jaws dropped.

He has a mean streak when playing badminton. I heard the other ex-colleagues often can’t beat him. Thankfully, I didn’t take part since I would have been humiliated with my pitiful skills. He was a national champion in his own country. That’s why no one in the department could win against him.

When we first heard of his name, the literal translation “Professor” came to mind. I think he did have a bachelor degree, can’t remember if he did a Ph.D though. He would speak professionally, if that didn’t sound like a professor, I don’t know what did.

He even accepted my request for being my referee. How sweet of him. Wonder why I’m thinking of him. Maybe I miss working with him as he would be sociable and offer his help.