I was in a dark place for months ever since there was a change in management. I struggled to keep up with the pace and failed miserably and performed in the eyes of the management, terribly. It felt terrible and I was constantly asking myself where did I go wrong.
Eventually, after 6 months of struggling, I prepared a resignation form. However, a colleague talked me out of it due to various reasons. He spoke of my family and everything. He took the time right there and then despite being busy. Everyone was busy with the tasks at work. He consoled me and I decided not to tender just yet.
Another 6 months went by. This time, I could no longer take it. I was failing at home trying to run the home. I was starting to cry almost daily and anything at work triggered me. It was horrible. I checked my bank account. It was just nice for me to rest for a month to recover which I hope was enough time for me to recover from the mental stress.
The mental stress caused me to avoid looking at the work phone, technically, it was a number that I had to separate out for usage because I wanted to have a less brain cells killing way to cancel the number eventually. That phone stayed out of sight during the weekends and if I ever heard a peep out of it, I would groan and check the messages. If the messages were just random greetings from colleagues, I was relieved but the anxiety was there.
This time, I was determined to throw the resignation letter because the situation was truly horrible by now. I was responsible for everything when I had no authority to make any decision and any wrongdoings, it would be my name being dragged in the mud if I so much as touched on that task before.
I had no job lined up despite waving the resume around since the first time I wanted to throw the letter. 6 months have gone by without any calls for interviews. It was depressing to say the least. So, I calculated the entitled leaves that I was allowed to take and it was enough to cover the notice period. For the first time, I believed that God had planned this for me. I never had enough to cover the notice period.
So, I took the plunge. The same colleague kept asking if I was sure about the resignation as I still had financial commitments. I was sure. My mental health was really going down and I didn’t want to have to fork out money for the appointments when the source of my stress and depression was the workplace and some of the people involved that I cannot avoid due to the nature of the work.
It took a few hurdles but I finally had the approval to leave. The 1st week at home was still filled with some anxiety but as time went by with little disruptions from the ex-colleagues, I started to heal. I was not so anxious about the work phone ringing except hoping that it was for an interview.
There are articles about decision-making when it comes to resigning. Changing job is a loosely used term in my opinion. Changing jobs would mean a total change of the job scope that one has been doing for years.
The common reasons are usually the following:
- Lack of interest in the role
- No career advancement
- Dreading getting up and ready for work
- The impacts are on the physical health
I was impacted heavily on my mental and physical health with simple things like lack of appetite and losing sleep. This resignation allowed me to rest my mind and do nothing intensive. Just catching up on my online learning and binge-watching the shows. It helped a lot.
I had chances to attend a few interviews without needing to apply for the leaves since it was already in effect. Eventually, I was offered a job. However, I needed to ask myself a few questions. One of it was whether I was ready to take on the role or not. It was what I had been doing and what I used to like doing. It was also a role that caused me to decide to leave when the management felt it was my responsibility despite my best attempts. The responsibility was not mine, the turnover rate to track that item was so high that I was the only constant there that I took it up.
If the questions that I asked myself did not make me feel that I was going to cry, then I was ready for this new job. This job is a subset of what I had been doing. Considering that I had wanted to do a subset of the job scope that I was overwhelmed with, it was a good place to start.
What many articles do not state about accepting a job offer is that if you had been mentally affected by the job that you are planning to leave, what makes you so sure that the new workplace with similar job scope would be ok to continue in?
I had not known that I was mentally stressed out years back when I left this particular job role until recently when an ex-colleague texted me. He knew of my situation back then and could not do anything about it because it was called whistle-blowing and for anyone who has done it before, it is best that you are no longer part of the company. I chatted with him via messages and he guessed that I was having work issues due to my postings online.
I had taken up the same job scope at another company but months later, I was feeling down despite not having problems at work. I wanted a total change in the job scope. I was in job limbo for months and thought that the switch was worth it. I was relieved about the change in job scope.
By the time this ex-colleague reconnected with me recently, I had taken up the job and he was relieved on my behalf. In life, we have ups and downs at work. I was truly blessed to be with someone whom I could vent to about job frustrations this time.
Before deciding to accept a job offer, am I ready to start working after struggling to recover my mental health if I had quit due to this reason? That is one question to ask ourselves if we are in this kind of situation.
