A Mind of My Own

Spring cleaning is useless when it comes once a year. I am trying to understand why it’s a huge amount of stuff to be gotten rid of only when it comes to the new year. If daily cleaning has been done, why must there be a huge amount of stuff to be thrown then?

It is then always a frustration when the stuff you have thrown during spring cleaning, that you realise that you should have kept them. The law of stuff thrown and to be used weeks later somehow is cruel. The year of the ox had been a rather hardworking year with mad rushes to the temples and whatever Godly places to pray that the stocks and whatever is going up except for inflation. Perhaps, we have been shown ways but it doesn’t come in the package that we have imagined.

We are just being shown that not all the prayers will be answered in the way we want since it is beyond our control except our feelings towards it. I spent quite some time to make a base for a bag only for it to be thrown away just when I was at the end of finishing it. Utterly lost my temper right there and then since it’s my hard work. How can someone just dump it away? Only the person who has done everything and only to discover the work being treated as trash will one understand the anger and frustrations.

Dwelling on this, I ask myself if it’s worth wasting angry moments. I believe that it could have been my suppression for holding on to my temper for a long time. Not that I want to be angry but it was really a few days of hard work and those cardboards aren’t easy to find, especially that size that I like. I have often thrown away stuff only to be sorted out by the person who ask me whether I truly want to throw. For crying out loud, I am throwing away stuff that I am requested to, why am I being asked that question?

This year, Chinese New Year falls on Valentine’s Day. It’s my first time, I think. Since I have no recollections of previous years falling on which day. The tigers are coming and the oxen will have to give way. May this tiger year be the year whereby things that are to be thrown, will be thrown away at the right time.

I’m not taught to give thanks. Especially not graciously. Or with flowery words. That’s just not me. Therefore, I shall be simple in my gratitude.

DD gave me a box of dark chocolate biscuits, dark chocolate is my favourite, especially the ones from Dars. Somehow, other dark chocolates can’t appeal to my particular taste. If someone can introduce something that is like Dars, I’d like to try it out. In addition, a new bag with larger capacity with compliments from DD.

Rinaz gave me two boxes of coffee flavoured Ferraro. I tried it and it’s an acquired taste. The aftertaste is nice. The delivery was personally placed at my door. Apologies for locking the letterbox since too much spam have been received. I really appreciate the efforts to ensure that the chocolates were in good condition.

My first time trying out Yuki Sale was rather pleasant as they provide fast delivery (local delivery guy was really friendly) inclusive of ensuring that someone was at home before sending my items to my door step. Since the package was too big for the letterbox. This spree was a success as Rinaz and my sister decided to brave the waters to add their purchases in order to reach the minimum number of 10 pieces (any mix). Way better than 2 pieces per design. Quality wise, they are suitable for office wear for my selections.

I’m also happy and relieved that my orders from What Ladies Want arrived in the letterbox. It’s my first time too. Since the discount is rather reasonable, I decided to try it. Minimum order of 1 item so that you get your goods la. Nothing to buy, how to try lei? Quality for this case, due to the items that I chose were of casual events, they are good enough for casual. They have a wide range of clothes for casual, formal and sports. In addition, I chose those with stock as I can’t wait for the delivery for too long. I like the free local normal postage and other perks for those with more items for their purchases.

BTW, if you are looking at small bags, check out these (black and white); they are still unused and I find it a waste to just let them collect dust since I’m not going to use small bags any time soon. I think they are made from PU Leather. Wipe clean with damp cloth or leather care product that isn’t abrasive.

It’s never easy to find shoes that fit. It’s easier to find shoes that bite and give you blisters. I needed to buy new shoes as my old ones are falling apart literally. One had the inner sole slipping, one had the straps totally loosened, one had the leather or whatever the material was coming out in bits and pieces. The other simply bit me half the time I wore them.

Hence, I tried about 5 to 7 pairs in the shoe shop and finally decided on 2 pairs. both slip on that would be presentable for formal purposes like workplace. Pretty shoes but I now have at least 4 blisters despite waxing the edges and stomping on the shoes.

Apparently, I should have started slow; which meant that I needed to come out of the house earlier and season the shoes before I walked at my usual pace. I won’t have any seasoned shoes for the week as I had to throw away the ones that can’t be worn and the house really looked like a shoe store or garang guni’s place depending on the viewpoint.

Maybe I should have bitten the shoes before wearing them to work.

Travelling to work can be a tedious task if I have to board squeeze into the crowded bus along with thousands of others who are also going to the same place. I have to do the same in the evening and try to be the 1st to board since the bus driver can be too generous with sudden brakes that make everyone move with inertia towards the front while the standing ones fall like dominoes.

I’m not sure if I would like to come back for another 5 months although the money would be very useful. I just believe that things will be better in the next few months and I can finally take a breather. A long breather that will be enjoyable.

My short 2.5 months stint had been rather interesting since I would want to do it again but at another place. Meeting new people have been fun and I never had so much fun before!

I find it interesting that people often want to plan the career path for others if they find out that the person has no concrete idea in the first place. I had my career path including a family with kids planned out for me. I doubt that I want to compromise the time with my kids with work. I love my family more than my job. However, I’m spending more time at work than with my family.

I’ve seen ex-colleagues who took leaves just to make sure their young children are well again only to return to the office with their bosses telling them not to take too much leaves. I’ve seen people taking a lot of medical leaves due to their health. I’ve seen colleagues complaining about the lack of compassion by their bosses when their family members passed away.

It’s just so scary even though those are little things. However, little things lead to big results. Life is simple, it’s just complicated with people who want too many things.

As my stint here will end in 5 working days, I’m just glad that I won’t have to squeeze into the bus and pray for a seat even if it’s a 20 minute ride. It’s always good to be able to have a seat.

I was attempting to change the auto-top up amount of my EZLink card. The CEPAS card that was issued to me a few months back. However, I was told to call a number and ask them how to do it. I thought it’s just a simple process of waiting to re-apply after deactivating the GIRO for it?

If you would like to change the auto top up amount, please deactivate the facility by presenting your NRIC / Passport and ez-link card at any TransitLink Ticket Office. Please wait for at least 7 working days for the status of your ez-link card to be updated before reapplying for the facility again.

The above is extracted from the website. Nowhere in the paragraph did it state that I had to call the customer service to ask them how to deactivate it since I can’t possibly do it on my end. If anyone has any shorter or easier process, do let me know.

In addition, I find it strange that the Customer Service is unable to refund the amount if I were to request it for the Citibank SMRT credit card. I had to re-queue at the Passenger Service to do that. All I could do was to terminate GIRO at the Customer Service and then proceed to Passenger Service to get my refund.

I can’t even do a refund transfer at the Passenger Service since they don’t have it. After getting my refund I had to requeue at the Customer Service again. This meant that I had to queue 3 times and I thought Singapore is a very efficient society?

In the end, my adventure to get a refund took me about 55 minutes, that was due to a kind lady redirecting the rest who just wanted to replace their old cards with the new card. By the way, I had to top up my CEPAS at the self-service machine that took me 2 minutes as no one was using it.

In order to have some sort of convenience, I hope that in future, there is a real efficient way of doing things that have been electronified.

National Day is now over. I spent some special time with my DD for the first time as we didn’t had the privilege to in the past due to work. DD managed to borrow a car and we drove all over Singapore. Well, nearly. First from my place then to have breakfast at Thomson Road for some half boiled eggs and tea.

After that, we went off to Seletar and found out the small entrance to the reservoir. We didn’t check that out since I was concerned about the returning of the car. Our next stop was Punggol Beach that was still being developed. It was weird to see people swimming in the sea while someone was fishing. Won’t they get entangled?

We saw mostly tiny fishes in the sea and wondered if anyone will catch any fish longer than 10 inches. Two young policemen were keeping watch while 2 even younger men were selling ice cream. Ice cream is best when it’s shared. In fact, food tastes better when shared.

Since we were in the Seletar camp area, DD showed me where he used to serve his National Service. We also managed to check out Marina Country Club and saw some private yatchts. We also went to Seletar Airport and I wanted to see some awesome private jets but we didn’t enter the area since it was meant for people who were landing and flying off.

National Day was really hot. The morning after National Day started off with a light drizzle. Apparently, Singapore was tested in 1968. The heavy rain didn’t deter us and since then, I noticed that it’s always hot or light drizzle on National Day. I know of this because of Lee Hsien Loong. He mentioned it and the speech was shown in this year during the celebration.

As long as we persevere, we will make it. Our National Day songs in the past have spoken of the hardships our forefathers have gone through. It’s a gift to us when we have it so good now. No worries when the ladies are returning home late at night. Although ladies still have to watch out for themselves.

Having spent some precious time with DD, I have come to realise that our country has gone through times that we can’t even begin to comprehend. We have it good now because of the hardships that others have gone through. In order to enjoy the fruits of labour, we have to work hard for it. I have tried shortcuts to gain some things but they never lasted long enough for me to really enjoy it.

The weekend was well-spent. I would like to spend some time exploring the ulu parts of Singapore with DD again.

I decided on Monday that I would visit the Botanical Gardens on Tuesday. Based on the fact that I suddenly ran out of things to do with the laptop and online. I was restless, thus, this impromptu decision. Visiting on a weekday is sweet bliss since 80% of the population in Singapore is at work. It was also near my old workplace; so no problem knowing where the entrance is.

This post shall be photo intensive, so, just wait for the photos to load.

The landmark band stand.

Taken at Evolution Garden.

Teens feeding the elegant black swan. I wonder where they got the bread.

Medicinal plants.

National Orchid Garden entrance. S$5 per adult. I didn’t go in.

Quilt Exhibition at Botany Centre.

Kimono Flowers quilt, the flowers are in 3D.

Girl riding a bicycle on top of a hedge.

For more photos, check out my album here.

I haven’t seen the world. Seeing the world from a TV is different from seeing the world and experiencing it yourself. Watching the mustangs run wild in the great plains is a different feeling from watching them run wild from a flat screen. Watching the jellyfish blob around in the marine world is different from watching a channel in Geographic Channel.

Having seen the blue skies in Australia, I like to experience life again. Life should be enjoyed. Having worked so hard for many years, I haven’t seen the world despite the efforts in having enough money to travel. Here, we have 1, 000 Places to See Before You Die. How much time do you really have left to spend with your family members?

I know how much I have used up but I don’t know how much time I do have left. There are times when we over-analyze certain things and think that they are too good to be true. If a simple task was deemed too good to be true, what about the tasks that need a lot of effort? No one wants to work till 65 and be seen picking up empty cans for recycling and hoping to make ends meet with creaking bone joints. If one feels that the effort would rather be spread throughout the years till one’s death, it’s such a pity to take one’s life lightly.

No one can name a price to your life. Not even you yourself.

I have heard this phrase over the years and have realised that it’s the one that limits me. When I ask myself, “Is it possible?” I hear all the “No” instead of “What if I try” That’s how I got frustrated in my job and the endless unhappiness of searching for that perfect job.

No such perfect job exists in real life. I have dreams, dreams that I want to be fulfilled. Having worked long enough to realise that even being a self-employed, I will not be able to have those fulfilled because I will not be able to go backpacking in Europe for even 5 days.

How long do I have to work in order to fulfill just that dream? 6 years certainly isn’t enough. Just the flight from Singapore to UK is enough to deplete my savings. Needless to say, I gave up on that dream when I was stuck in the job routine. A job is no longer secure.

Even that iron rice bowl isn’t secure either. You don’t get promoted based on your great performance at work, do you? You get promoted because someone in that position has decided to leave; finally after 15 years of hoping. When the economy is down, what are you doing? Still praying to God or looking for opportunities or simply self-reject the possibilities?

The human mind is the most powerful weapon. Once a belief has set in, it takes a long time to reach into our minds to take hold of us and eventually, we do it. Such as believing that we will never be a manager in a certain company even if we do know that we are the right one for it.

So many negatives since young. Remember when our parents said, “STOP ASKING WHY!” And we did stop after that? Rejection at that early age has taken root. Rejection is a painful thing but have we used that as a direction?

Is it remotely possible? How many years do you have left?

We have dreams. Goals that we want to be fulfilled, be it money, travel or even recognition for good things. Whenever we do something, we want or hope for repayment. When we go to the office, we will be paid our monthly dues and eventually, get promoted got clinching that particular deal. However, how many of us have really managed to get promoted?

This world is surrounded by people. Humans who make the decisions, not money. When bribery occurs, it means that the person simply has a need for it and accepts it. Did money make the decision? The kind of lifestyle that we have in mind is also our decision. No one else is responsible for making that for us. They are influences but not the decision makers.

The kind of lifestyle that I wanted to have is:

• To be able to be a good mother and wife. A mother like what my mother did. She simply gave her support to my father all these years in his business and didn’t complain about his late nights because he was out working hard to feed the family.
• To be able to spend time with my family. What my parents tried to do every weekend. Until now, they will ask us out for breakfast.
• To be able to teach my children values that mine have taught us.
• To be able to go for holidays without worrying about money all the time.
• To be able to have enough money for my children’s education in future without worrying about money.
• To be able to help others who have dreams to be fulfilled.
• To be able to afford to buy any item without paying in installments.
• To be able to give my mind peace when I am one day unable to work actively, I don’t have to worry about money.
• To be able to gain this kind of freedom that I have been craving for.

What kind of lifestyle do you have in mind?