On this day, it is filled with mixed feelings this year. First, I am grateful to my mother for giving me life. Let’s not forget that my father played his part too. My father did what he knew best, slogged hard for money to come into the home so that my mother who was not working at that time to bring us up. The “us” included my younger siblings. My mother did what she knew best, cooked (despite not knowing how to cook before marriage), bathed, and many other things that my father didn’t do.
For me, I do what I can in this era whereby there is a need for 2 household incomes. Otherwise, I will be worried about where my next meal is coming from. The house loan, property tax, phone bills, etc are a lot. It will eat up a month’s pay in just one day. One. Day. So, I have to work despite wanting to quit from my job and look after my child. Yes, I know there are other options like working from home, my current job doesn’t allow me to do that. It’s not easy to look for home based jobs in Singapore as it isn’t that trending yet. Although there are more coming in. Until the time when people’s mindset actually accept that working from home can also work for the company’s benefits, home based jobs are still limited in numbers.
Coming back to my mixed feelings for today. I have never spoken of my family members much but today, because an aunt who was just 10 years older than me passed away because she ingested an overdose of blood pressure medicine that belonged to my grandmother. For some reason, she took the medicine on Fri evening and went into ICU that every evening. The events leading up to the point when she finally breathed her last, I won’t have a blow by blow account since I was given a summary via WhatsApp by my family who kept in contact with my other aunts.
My first question was “How did she get the medicine?” I have no idea but the medication had always been kept in the same place and she had never taken them before till Fri. My second question was “Why did she take it?” I have no answer since she had been intellectually disabled when she suffered a high fever at age 2 and she never got to the doctor in time. It was a time when money was tight and there was no money to give her treatment.
She spent her last 2 days in the ICU with critically low blood pressure and pale face. I had never gotten to know her because I didn’t know how to communicate with someone who was aged physically but mentally at aged 2. She never said a word from all my visits during the CNY. All I knew was that she would go “Uh”, “Huh”, “Ah” and pointed randomly at the ground as if speaking to herself or her imaginary friend.
I don’t know how my grandma feels at this moment on this Mother’s Day. My aunt was never much loved most of her life since I would hear everyone yelling at her or screaming at her childish antics. However, I feel sad even if I wasn’t close to her. May she rest in peace and find the love that she deserved.