A Mind of My Own

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Have you ever really stopped your input during the time when someone pours out their woes to you? Stopped your scalding input that they should stop whining and get going? When you are down, what would you wish to do?

Brawl your eyes out?

Pick a fight with someone?

Smash all the fragile items?

Go on an expensive shopping spree?

Talk to someone who will just comfort you and let you vent your steam?

Take out your frustration at anything that annoys you normally but this time makes you lose your temper?

After talking, do you feel satisfied or your moodiness starts to go away? Do you have a downtime? A time when you often feel unsatisfied that life doesn’t seem to go the way you have imagined? My downtime is now. I just need time to settle down and get my uptime again.

Life has its ups and downs. My mood has been on a roller coaster ride recently. I have no mood to do anything despite that I lack nothing. Could it be my goals were not achieved? Nothing new since I didn’t write them down and work towards them. Yet, I wonder if I were really upset about my lack of my goals being achieved.

I haven’t accomplished my 1st million. Important? In this era, how to achieve?

Personal development, have I changed or improved myself? Not that I can see except that I no longer get annoyed easily by the nemesis, MC.

Job scope unsatisfactory. Yes. I am bored. Very bored to tears, really. It had become routine and that was why I was literally crying when I came to the office last week. A talk with my manager relieved the mood a little.

At this stage, where is my life going? Where will I be?

You never know what you’ll get in life. Even when you have planned for it. Life can be so fragile. One minute, you are there and the next, you might not be there. While I was really excited to be one of sisters for my friend’s wedding, the whole event was tiring as we had to wake up early. It was after the event was over then I started to feel a sense of lost.

It was a lost of youth and time. It felt like yesterday when we were in school teasing each other and skipping classes. Just the Chinese lessons. We would often complain about how she would tell us proudly that some elite school would do so much better. We were in a neighbourhood school, what else did she expect?

Growing and moving on in our lives have impact, both major and minor. We start dating or flying to countries for business or start our own business. We meet up in a group during a major event such as funeral or wedding or babies one month celebration. Other than that, it’s via pitiable emails and they are always forwarded.

I have never asked my friends to my place during Chinese New Year after that one time, that was eons ago when most of us could still make it. Now, I have 3 who are officially married and have to attend their partners’ family events. The rest have their own activities like traveling for free or busy with their work.

I don’t know if we’ll be able to just get together and just chat instead of catching up during major events. Sad to say, I have failed miserably for my own family gatherings.

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By evening, I was starting to wind down. I stole a 30-minute nap at home which helped me to last till 1am. That was how late it was. I had to keep my hair styling appointment. The 8 course dinner was served quite timely. However, by the 5th dish, everyone was full and the food started to get wasted. The photo montage showed the bride’s and groom’s lives, a few photos of me were also included. Good friend with the bride, so I was rather honoured to be included too.

I was to be the receptionist with HF and we were, unfortunately, late to take up our places. Touching up sure took up a lot of time. The guests had arrived and we started taking down their attendance. I was starting to get tired. By 8.25pm, we left the reception table as 98% of the guests have arrived.

We took our seats at the designated table and the dinner commenced. The bride and groom started their walk in after the photo montage. Dinner was served. Throughout the courses, I was thinking if the whole event could end soon. My urge to sleep was stronger than the urge to eat even though I hadn’t eaten much that day.

I was so relieved when dessert was served. The guests started leaving and the rest of the sisters who haven’t left stayed to take whatever “revenge” the brothers came up with. 3 bottles of red wine and 1 jug of beer were all we got. One of the brothers wanted to serve Martell. Were we that torturing in the morning? No, right? We gave them drinks to soothe the spicy throats, ok?

At least we cleared that part and took a few group photographs. The wedding was finally over. Looking back, I feel a sense of nostalgia, we used to be able to gather together and chat about anything. Four of us try to gather together to have dinner or travel. I missed that time we went for a cruise.

The girls reached the bride’s place by 7.15am. HY, WL and me were the earliest. I did give an early morning call. We were there by 6.35am. The rest of the sisters told me, “Thanks but no thanks, you don’t have to give me morning call.” My heart broke into tiny little pieces.

When the rest of the sisters arrived, we started our strategy for getting more ang baos from the brothers. We closed wooden door after the grille gate was double-locked. Purpose was to get one ang bao before opening the wooden door.

The guys tried to haggle for the door to open saying it was easier. There was no way they could get it opened so easily. There was an ang bao alright. $10. How miserly, right? We managed to get more when we complained loudly that he didn’t want to get his bride.

Thus, the torture started. We had sour, sweet, bitter and spicy for them. The lime lemons were supposed to be sour but they ended up sweet. What a waste. Next was the sweet, some honey and sugar cubes. When they cleared them, they were fed small bitter gourds.

All they had to do was to give a bite. The groom was pathetic. His 1st bite was mousy. One of the guys ate the whole bitter gourd and returned us the stalk. Oh my. He must have been hungry. We fed them our bun with red and green chili padi. Unfortunately, we didn’t manage to get wasabi. It would have been perfect. The guys gamely ate whatever we gave them. We didn’t ill-treat them either, since 2 of them ate the bun, we passed them 2 packets of drinks for them.

It wasn’t over yet. There was no way they could get in that fast. We had carrots and each of them had to give a bite, most of all, the groom must have a big bite. He gave another mousy bite. Since he didn’t want to eat it, we got another ang bao from him. We fed them some celery which 2 of them gamely gave a bite. The first stalk was short and meant for the groom. However, he passed to his brothers. The 2nd one was twice as long and we demanded that he gave a bite. One mousy bite again.

So, we got another ang bao from him since he didn’t give a huge bite from the celery. He tried to get away with it, naturally. Before we got the lock with numbers opened for them, they had to sing a song. For 12 strong guys, they sure couldn’t sing loud. When they didn’t want to sing, the groom had to sing by himself. He didn’t want to. They had to sing loudly for the bride to hear. Which they managed after 3 tries.

When they finally got in, the groom had to propose properly to the bride. He didn’t make a proper one and we required him to do it for our good friend. He made a very touching but funny speech to her. I think he’s the only one who can do that.

And that was the end of the fetching of the bride. Above events excluded the posing, retakes and 3 times of walking into the room by the groom because the camera man wasn’t ready.

I woke up at 4.30am and gave 2 morning calls for HY and NL. Super early for someone who lives near the bride, eh?

Me: Morning, wake up.

NL: Who’s this?

Me: Your friend la!

NL: (paused) Oh. Ok, ok. I get up.

I cried a bit. No la, no real tears. It was too early a morning call.

Me: Morning, wake up.

HY: Huh? What?

Me: What what? Wake up le! Ask me to give you morning call hor!

HY: Oh, sorry (laughing) I didn’t have enough sleep.

Me: (my heart started bleeding at this point) Well, time to wake up.

And I went to wash the week’s clothes and get a bath.

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